So, been telling any big stories about Beer? The beer tsunami you read about on bestetotnutoe was indeed a good one. Unfortunately it’s only one story and after a while everyone has heard it at least once. No worries, we have many more stories for you.
Imagine, you’re an English soldier during the Second World War. Your general thinks up a masterplan and does his standard speech. Slowly it dawns on you. A boat filled to the brim with you and your mates is going to steer up the beach. You are supposed to run through the waves up the beach in full gear while the German soldiers are high up the coast oiling their machine guns.
But your English so you stiffen your upper lip and soldier your way up the French beach. And guess what: you survive! You make it past the German lines into France. And as everyone knows, fighting makes thirsty. So what do you do when you take a break? The French may have many talents, but making beer isn’t one of them. This is a problem, and If you’re an English General this needs to be solved.
English wouldn’t be English if they did not think up a solution to this problem. No bridge too far: ale has to be delivered to the thirsty soldiers. Carrying a keg up the beach with exploding grenades around is not the best of ideas. So how to get beer behind enemy lines? Infiltrating and teach the French to brew beer a few months before they are liberated? An even worse idea. French brewing? Now there is something that would make the Germans suspicious.
One thing left, fly into France. But on what plane? Well, the one there were enough off: The Spitfire. First a brilliant English engineer turned the kerosene tanks into huge flying kegs. France is only a few miles away and it worked. But the kerosene-like after taste of their ales proved to be a little bit more than only a slight problem for the thirsty English soldiers.
Right, back to the drawing table. The answer was simple. Screw off the bombs and screw on the Casks. Barrels away! The Germans, not knowing whether the English planes dropped kegs or explosives, were still scared shitless. And the English happily buzzed.
No wonder the Germans lost the war. Imagine a Messchermitt with an Hefe-Weizen attached to the wings. The whole of Europe would be speaking German.
I wish our own government would learn history’s lessons. Maybe they would make some demands on the development of the Joint Strike Fighter. No sidewinders, thanks. Just make sure we can screw on some Brand Up.